Yes I am alive!! My computer crashed last week and I cannot post from my phone...I can tell you that I see God's hand in my life a lot lately and I see the "other side" working too but I am sick and tired of giving that one any credit so lets move on...:)
I was reading Psalm 51 today.."Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me..cast me not away from your prescence..restore unto me the joy and salvation and renew a right spirit within me" The Lord gave me that today and you know why..because I have not forgiven myself for something that happened a long time ago.
On July 12, 1980 I was 8 weeks pregnant and 19 years old, 20 on July 13th. I went into an abortion clinic on that day and had an abortion. It was always easy for me to say to someone and always say that I was forgiven, which I know I was..but I never forgave myself.
Through out the years I had panic attacks, depression and I made a lot of bad choices. No one stopped me nor did they ever counsel me on the hurt that could happen to someone making that choice years later. In the 80's it was the thing to do if you got pregnant..have an abortion. Well the Lord placed on my heart today that I need to forgive myself and stop blaming myself for something that He took care of years ago.
My baby is a spirit in heaven and I know one day I will feel "his" spirit when we all are there..I believe it with all my heart! I believe he led me to that scripture because I have to have a clean heart before Him no matter what. David wrote this after he committed a crime against Bethseba's husband..how could he live with himself? Well he did but after a lot of fighting against himself also.
I've been to counselors and I never had them say, "Ya know it could have something to do with that abortion" But I also didn't go to a christian counselor either...I am now and something just came upon me to reveal this to you and everyone who reads it. God is good and loves us so much..we are forgiven but we need to come before Him with a clean heart and a renewed spirit before we can forgive ourselves...
I love you all..I am leaving for FL on Wednesday..pray that I will reach these HS girls and that God will use me, as He is now...God Bless all of you!