Yes I'm back from Panama City..I came back on Sunday night and just now have had a chance to breath. I read all of your comments about my last posting and I am so glad all of you encouraged me. I AM FORGIVEN...PRAISE GOD!!!!
Well what can I say about Panama City..I was not welcomed by one girl, one girl in 9th grade that made me feel as if I was trying out for her and her only..I went into the trip with all the staff and leaders from my church (First Baptist of Atlanta) saying, "You have the drama girls..they all need attention" Well I am what you might call down to earth, firm yet loving and "get over it and grow up"! She was a handful and it all came to a head on Friday. I mean we left Wednesday and our full day was Thursday..we had our wonderful worship and great ministering from a guest preacher who told it like it was. He basically hit a nerve and I tried to help her express it. She didn't want to and went to the leaders or rather the staff and told them "Miss Donna is making me open up and WE don't like it"...Well the enemy certainly was stopping me from ministering to her wasn't he...NOT!!!
What he tried to make bad the Lord is always victorious..PRAISE HIM! Now she did get her way, I was told to sit down with the head of the youth and the "house Mom" who was in their eyes experienced because she was a teacher for 23 years. She told me that I should not of been transparent with them because I don't know them. Well how do you think I was transparent? I told them the same story I told all of you...I did something at the age of 19 and I wanted all of them to know that they could reach out to the Father and ask for forgiveness, but if we don't forgive ourselves we can't grow into the young women Jesus wants us to be.
Well what do you think our little 9th grader did..she told the staff she wasn't ready to talk and I was making her!! I asked all of the girls if I was making them talk and they said no and told her that I wasn't doing that but because the "house teacher" said we have to "walk on egg shells around her" I should of known that if I knew how to take care of young women!! How hurtful could one woman be!! She probably didn't know how she and the young girl hurt me but they did and it hung over my heart for a couple of days. Because of her hurtful words a couple of boys called me the "demon leader". They got in trouble with the men. In a nutshell I was asked for forgiveness from the leaders except for the 9th grader and the teacher.
What hurt the most was my girls were hearing all of this drama and had to be talked to by the leader of the youth, Jordan. He also talked to me and said, "---------- has too much drama in her life, it perceives her where she goes and she has a problem, if we had moved her it would of gotten worse. I know how you raise children, just look at the glory of God in your girls. When my children are older I would come to you for advice. You did nothing wrong. We just need to pray for ----------"
So Ladies I was placed with another leader and her senior girls. They went to the other girls and said, "Miss Donna is so cool why did you allow this gossip to happen" No one said anything except, "we didn't do it --------- did, blame her". So I was accepted by everyone except her and it still hurts....
I mean I'm sitting here crying as I write because I just don't know where my ministry is going?! The Lord is using me but after this week I feel like it didn't matter. I then went to my bible and devotions and read this, the Lord always bring thing to light after the fact. "You hands shaped me and made me, Lord" Job 10:8
"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mothers womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous, Lord." Psalm 139:13-14
"Everyday of my life was recorded in your book Lord. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed" Psalm 139:16
"We are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works." Ephesians 2:10
Each of us are uniquely designed or shaped to do certain things. I am the way I am because I was made fo a specific ministry and I can't give up on it because the enemy is bringing me down due to this young girl. In "The purpose driven Life" Rick Warren describes SHAPE as:
Maybe my SHAPE is not with certain girls but I do believe I have a gift with all of you and women who have gone through what I did in my past...abuse, single parenting, loneliness, and the healing I experienced through it all. I just ask all of you to pray for me to get past that week. I can honestly tell you this is probably the first time I was so hurt by one person so much younger than me. I want the "tape" to go away in my head and stop listening to those words also. The Lord is right here with me and He never made junk..I AM NOT JUNK!! It's funny I knew the Lord was trying to talk to her because the night she made a fuss the speaker said, "I am sensing that there has been a lot of reputations hurt and those that hurt people need to ask their forgiveness" She didn't but I know that she also felt guilty because she couldnt' face me and the leaders all asked her "was Miss Donna really that bad" she said "no".....I need to pray for her and ask the Lord to show her His glory to her...she needs to stop drama with people and start growing up...not letting her act like that because she always has!
I love you all