Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Retreat from April of '05

Hey my friends why am I writing about a retreat that happened 4 years ago? Well..the weird thing is that is happened almost to the day 4 years ago and somehow what I am about to write may help someone who is hurting and someone who may need help now!...This was a fabulous retreat that saved me and made me see things that I never did see before..I hope you all read it and understand that it was important and it could be important to someone else...

Womans Retreat April 22-24 2005

"Praise God! What a weekend! This was MY retreat!! I met the Lord! Through all the hardships that I have encountered, through all the prophetic words, whether I was struggling daily weekly or yearly..the Lord Jesus Christ told me this weekend that I was HIS!!

I know I always had been HIS, but I've been a failure and have been forgiven, I've made mistakes but knew they would be fewer and fewer. This time was different..(the retreat)..my generational curses have been healed!! My heavenly Father has seen my tears and counted each one, I was a little girl whose heart was like an onion with each layer being peeled until the core was reached..I was the one in the forest crying out..being lost and finding both my earthly and heavenly Father.

I remember also having a prophetic word about how my life was going to be majorly changed and the Lord was going to show himself in such a real way, what wonderful words..yet all were said 7 to 10 years ago (that would be 1995-1998). God's timing is not ours!!

Each time I felt like I was going through a miraculous change the Lord was only pruning me for the future. So I want to write down as much detail that I can remember for this weekend (April '05) Lets start with Friday night. I was tired and noticed a couple of the Spanish worship singers were on the microphone. So the enemy was tugging on my heart..boy was I pissed!! I should of been there not them~

Mireal Johnson-Sandbo was introduced as our speaker. The woman who introduced her said "This special woman grew up in Bay Ridge Brooklyn, NY...I immediately knew something was up.. I GREW UP IN BROOKLYN. She then got up and started the usual sessions..one thing I noticed was that she had a tendancy to get on a lesson and drifted off, but always came back. She then started speaking about how she gave her bicycle, as a 5 year old, to an older gentleman whose name was "Mr Kyvik". Mr Kyvik that was a guy I grew up with from Bklyn who was his great, grandfather!! My ears shot open!..she then said"in a church named Salem Gospel Tabernacle"! Did God ordain this weekend or what! Each thing she said related back to my Dad, my past and the church I adored..I approached her adn she immediately knew my family, my Mom and Dad and of course me and my sisters growing up in NY...I started running around the retreat and telling everyone, "she was talking about MY church!!

Well, that was Friday night so lets skip to Saturday afternoon. The lesson was on Genesis 12:24 about Abram, Sari, Haggi, Ishmael and Rebekkah. She spoke on how Abram slept with Haggai and how Sari became so angry with her and Haggai basically felt like "Hey what did I do, you wanted me to sleep with your husband so he would have a son"!! She was being loyal to her master..Because of all of this and the son no one wanted, there was generational problems. Ismael is Sudan Hussan 16 descendants back Grandfather!! (well now he was..Sudan Hussan..)
And then out of the blue, it was the Lord, she said "There was never a more loyal woman in Salem that I ever met than Jean Smith (my Mother), who put up with emotional abuse from a man, Malcolm (my Father)..She then looked at me and said "oh sweetie what you all endured, Honey where are you now, do you remember when I took you and your sisters shopping?" I was grinning from ear to ear. At this point in my life I needed her and she didn't know it. After all of this at a break she said to me, "Honey please forgive me, but you were hurt by your Dad, weren't you?" I nodded and said Yes..and then..after the break she said.."I want all of us to pray for Donna...Lord may all the pain and hurt she has gone through be gone in your name and all the the generational curse's be healed"

I know more was said because I was incomplete awe and knew Jesus was in the midst of this meeting..She said to me privately, "I hope you forgive me for saying all that about your Dad". Forgive you!! I am being healed!! Healed and released of all my hurt and pain from my Past abuses! I will no longer be crawling and falling but I will be working, holding my head high and knowing every thing I make will be done because Jesus allowed me to have a present and a future..of course I cried and told her about my pain and hurt. The Lord began a healing in me right then and there. After the afternoon was over I felt like a new woman..like the first time meeting the Lord. I felt alive, in love with Christ and on longer afraid of the world. Satan was defeated at the cross and he is a liar!! Jesus is alive in me!!

To come to an end to this retreat 4 years ago I want to tell you what she said in her sermon.
"It was a continuation of Abraham, Sara, Lot, Issac and Rebekkah. This I concentrated on hearing her through all the stories intertwined with Genesis. When she got to Rebekkah and the camels she had to feed at the well, I knew I wanted to be like Rebekkah. A woman who was asked by Lots servant, "Can I have a drink? She not only fed the servant but according to history, she gave gallons of water to the camels as well as cleaned them. The question to us was..are we willing to do things with no agenda!! If we think about it do we ever do things without a reward?!

People in church love to volunteer for things such as worship, childrens church, etc. and all of a a sudden if the Pastor doesn't give them a "hand" or some sort of attention, they quit!! We have to do all things, whether in church or out of it (in the world), without an agenda. If we are a light in our jobs, at home or at church, then we will glorify the Lord and that pleases Him..so much!! Isn't that what it's all about in this life!? ONLY TO GLORIFY HIS NAME!!?? YES!!!!

I could go on and on and I do have about 3 more pages..but ladies I want you to read this with understanding and realizing we all have the same issues but different times..I have to re read this over and over. I felt that someone really needed to read this and I truly hope the Lord brings it to light for someone or many..Praise God for His Mercy..and Praise Him for His healing on my Life and many others..

Love Donna

p.s. if you want the rest please ask and I will be happy to finish..

Friday, April 25, 2008

My Prayer for Blessing...

"Dear Lord
I want every single blessing that You would love to give me. Forgive me for not desiring these enough to ask for them. Please open Your heart, and be gracious to me. You are good, and everything You do is good. So let me experience You today, in all of Your abundant lovingkindness, even though I am in all of my unworthiness. Touch my life in ways that are very personal so that I don't miss your fingerprints. Bless me, Lord, I pray---bless me, indeed! And I will praise You, from whom all blessings flow. Amen"

That my sisters is what God wants us to do. Yes I know I went over the Prayer of Jabez but do we really ask God to bless us? Psalm 67:1-2 says "God be merciful to us and bless us, and cause His face to shine upon us, That Your way may be known on earth, Your salvation among all nations"

We could go through the Bible from Genesis to Revelation and find that the Lord wants to bless us, and bless us indeed. I don't know why I wanted to touch on this again but as usual I am having a hard time at work. I am getting real tired of being overlooked, I am getting tired of being the person who had it all at the beginning of the year and now I don't..is it jealousy? It could be..but God wants me to ask Him for those blessings daily. That is why I wanted to give you that prayer. Say it daily..daily, that means every day and don't miss a beat.

Think about it..Jabez began his life with a handicap--"And his mother called his names Jabez, saying, Because I bore him in pain"..yet Jabez didn't let a hurtful past or unpromising present keep him from asking God for a huge blessing. I think a lot of us either started our life with a disadvantage or, like myself, have felt shame, rejection, abusiveness and while married to my ex, a complete nobody!! Negative life experiences can influence how we see ourselves and how we understand and relate to God. Haven't you had times where you've prayed , cutting you off from His abundant best because of what you are going through or how you feel?

I want to share with you feelings that I have gone through where I don't feel worthy of asking for blessings and it has come between the Father and myself. I feel trapped between a bad past and a bleak future-Why would He bless me when I don't deserve it? I need to get my act together first. How can anyone love me?! Look at my past..God might love me a little bit, but He doesn't like me enough to really bless me. Is the Lord really involved in everything of my life?

  • Now I hope you know that these are lies of the enemy and they are robbing you of blessings. Now lets read the truth..if you feel trapped Read 2 Cor 5:17 and 4:16-18
  • If you feel afraid Read 2 Tim 1:7, Hebrews 13:5-6, Romans 8:37-39 and Matthew 6:25-30
  • If you feel unworthy read Col 1:13-14, Gal 4:4-6 and Eph 2:8-10
  • If you feel unlovable read John 3:16-17 and 1 John 3:1-2 and Romans 8:15-17
  • Skeptical? Read Proverbs 3:5-6 Philippians 1:6 and Matt 10:29-31
Listen ladies..I am no better than the next. My life has been so misguided by the enemy and people. I can speak now but I have been through Hell and back in a heartbeat and the only way that I came through it alive was through my Heavenly Father. I was beaten so badly with my ex husband that the only way I survived was because the Lord had a plan for my life and it wasn't my time yet!! And that is the truth!!

Now I fight stupid things and stupid lies from the enemy that have to be given back to the Father and let the Father know that He is in control...
I am blessed and I want all of His Blessings..daily..so let all of us go through the next few months of this glorious spring and start over.

I hope you all know that as I ask for all of God's blessings I am also saying this to you because I need it...I need to talk about it as well as listen to my own words...We all do.
Love Donna

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Spring is here and oh how I love the word...

Oh how I love Spring!! I looked at a blank canvas of mine and decided to take it out..it looked so bare that I wasn't sure I still knew how to paint or draw or anything! Well it has been a long time since I went to art school but since I know that painting is like riding a bike..I decided to take a whirl.

I looked for an hour for all my paints. I knew my husbands friend wanted a painting of a light house. I found a great photo of one. I went outside and started painting..I did that yesterday. I can't wait for the final product so that you all can see it and say "cool"..I am very crazed about anything I do. I never think it's good nor do I think it's even worthwhile..but when my husband and kids go past it they love it. I am painting outside and I look around and love to see the birds singing and the bees hanging over my head and I just smile. It's God's work! It's His work with all His wonders around me and it's His work that he puts talent in any of us. It's amazing how I write this and say "wow..Jesus is so wonderful, He gave me an incredible ability to communicate with my gifts and there are so many times I just whine and complain about my life and situation"!

He is there for us to communicate with either through our talent, our prayers or just us being there with the Father. I love Ephesians 3:18 and 19 and I put this in a small prayer for you to put your name in there:
" I pray Lord, that ______ may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height--to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that they may be filled with all the fullness of God"

I need to remember that and praise Him for that!

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Jesus is my Beloved and I am His...

I remember writing about the Lord wanting us to crave Him daily..well in Rachels Bible Study I just had to write something in the same way..

Jesus is our beloved and sometimes He may feel distant, right? I felt like that for so many reasons..whether it was in my mind or in my feelings. I felt abandoned and alone. He was distant from me. All I could do, besides completely backsliding, was keep moving into His being more and more. I know the ones that have read this blog know how hard it has been..until one day it was as if He never left me and my past was just that..my past..

But for those of you that really don't feel God right now, read this. When God seems distant how do we deal with it. Do we get angry, cry out, what? Everything is okay...God is real, no matter how you feel. God wants to mature our relationship with Him..when He does this He will test it with many periods of seeming separation...those are the times when it feels like He has abandoned or forgotten you.

Psalm 10:1 Lord, why are you standing aloof and far away? Who do you hide when I need you the most?
Psalm 43:2 Why have you abandoned me, God?

David felt like this constantly, that is why he wrote as many Psalms as he did. God admits that sometimes He hides His face from us. This is a normal part of the testing and maturing of your friendship with the Lord. Read Job 23: 8-10 I go east, but he is not there..And when he has tested me like gold in a fire, He will pronounce me innocent...

How do we praise God when you don't understand what's happening in your life and why is God silent? Do what Job did..Naked I came from my mothers womb and naked I will go back...Job 1:20-21

Let the Father know exactly how you feel..I have! I haven't said, "oh you think He'll be mad at me?" NO!!
"I can't be quiet! I am angry and bitter. I haver to speak!" Job 7:11

Regardless of whatever circumstance and how you feel, hang on to God's unchanging character.
  • He is good and loving
  • He is all powerful
  • He notices every detail of my life
  • He is in control
  • He will save me
I know that my Redeemer lives and that in the end He will stand upon the earth ..Job 19:25
Circumstances cannot change the character of God. Trust God to keep His promises and remember what He has already done for you.

I could of given up and given in to the enemy..it is so easy! I listened to my heart..I did cry and I did get angry..but our Beloved is so good and He is mine..through our lives He is unchanging and will never allow me to weaver or fall where I cannot be reached..My Heavenly Father wants us to trust Him because He is our Groom and that is all we have to remember...He Loves Us!!

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Creating a craft and having developing OUR friend..

Sounds cool doesn't it? Well I promised besides sewing, and talking about Jesus, we would also have a craft and talk about the Lord. I will give you good news when you read this :)

We are going to make a simple, simple Body Scrub! Yum, yum..I have made this and it is easy and fabulous
Basically it is a delightful alternative to the loofah, yet gentle and a pleasant aroma. After you take a bath, dry completely. Rub the mixture into your skin. Let it dry on the skin and then rub it off using a soft washcloth while still standing in the tub. It will leave your skin feeling soft and clean. Ya know how beautiful it will look in pretty shell containers too!
Makes about 5 oz
2 tbsp powered orange rind
3 tbsp of ground almonds
2 tbsp of oatmeal
1 tbsp of red rose petals
about 6 tbsp of almond oil
5 drops of any flower oil (jasmine, rose, or lavender are nice)
5 drops of sand oil (sandalwood, rosewood, or cedar)
1. Blend all the dry ingredients together
2. Add the almond oil a tablespoon at a time blending to a crumbly paste. Stir in the essential oils of you choice. Store in a glass jar and use within 2 weeks

I promise it's not hard. All you need are the ingredients and you can get those at Whole Foods or a Natural Food place. If I can do it so can you. You skin will be so smooth.

Now one more thing before I go and it is our relationship with the Father. What choices will I make today in order to grow closer to God? Sounds simple right? Well I had to think about it for a while...You build a relationship with God by caring about what God cares about. This is what friends do..they care about what is important to the other person. The more you become God's friend, the more you will care about the things God cares about, grieve over the things God grieves over, and rejoice over the things that bring pleasure to Him. The biggest thing the Father care most about is that He wants all His lost children to be found!! Praise God!! Isn't that the whole reason why Jesus came to earth? The dearest thing to the heart of God is the death of His Son. The second is when His children share that news with others!! Amen

I keep reading and re-reading James 4:8" Draw close to Him and He will draw close to you" I went into the message bible and it says," Get serious, really serious. Get down on your knees before the master; it's the only way you'll get on your feet" WOW!!
I care today that I am pleasing the Father, worshipping Him the way he would want. When Stephen was stoned in Acts, as he was dying he looked to heaven and saw Jesus. Stephen knew Him intensely, as did the apostle Paul. They were men after His own heart, as I feel that I am dying daily to sin.

"Father help me pray all day and every day..more than anything, anything, I want to get to know you intimately..seek me out Lord to worship in spirit and truth. Free to be open...Thank you Lord"

I Love You

Ladies-My husband had a prostate test about 3 months ago and completely forgot..guess what..he is fine!! Now I knew that didn't I!! But God had to prove himself to Mike for this to be real...As far as the blood, the doctor doesn't know what the problem is because it isn't there anymore..as usually Jesus is a healer and we knew that!! Praise God!!

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Our Friendship with Jesus

Now the other night I decided I want to start drawing and painting again. I went to art school in New York, School of Visual Arts on E. 23rd St and 3rd Ave. I have no clue why I even mentioned that but..I have a gift of the arts as well as sewing and words. I thank God for that..I never thought I would actually thank the Lord for giving me words. I have been blessed lately with so many things and I just don't know where to start!?

I decided to start with my posting of our friendship with Jesus and I want to lay down some scriptures. I know they will bless you as they have blessed me...What is your friendship with the Lord:
In Proverbs 3:32 "God offers His friendship to the godly"
Matt. 11:19 "Jesus..friend of sinners"
If you want a deeper, more intimate connection with God you must learn to honestly share your feelings with him. Paul was the best example of this. God's agenda was his agenda, and God's passion was his: in the message bible it says"The thing that has me so upset is that I care about you so much-this is the passion of God burning inside me!" 2 Cor 11:2
How amazing was that scripture in just another version!!!

David felt the same way: "Passion for your house, Lord burns within me, so those who insult you are also insulting me." Psalm 69:9

Your friendship with God will also develop when you learn to desire His friendship more than anything else..
"The thing I see most of all is the privilege of meditating in Gods temple, living in His presence every day of my life, delighting in his incomparable perfections and glory" Psalm 27:4

Your love, Lord, means more than life to me" Psalm 63:3

And now what I want to say---When there is nothing on your mind at all except loving Jesus and claiming Him as King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Emanuel, Abba Father and my best friend...then and only then you know that your friendship and love of Him is beyond comparison! For Paul to say"...this is the passion of God burning inside of me! That is how I feel about Jesus, about my Father...like I can't find the right words to tell Him, the Almighty, Jesus the Son of God...how much I love Him, adore, bless and worship Him and only Him..it's beyond me...

I pray Ladies that you love Him the way I do. That you trust and desire Him more than anything on this earth. When you feel that way I do you will feel peace that passes all understanding. No matter what you may be going through you will be able to do it because the Lord is with you and will never let you go. I know I may have touched on this many times but right now..Jesus is all I need. My husband may be having an issue with his prostate and I don't want to think the worst although he does. It doesn't matter because the Father is keeping me safe and when you have that peace there is nothing else you need. I ask that you pray for him..I ask that when you pray you ask that the Father removes his fear of cancer...but whatever the case may be...my Father will not desert me nor will He let me down.

All of you have been an inspiration to me as I hope I have for you..now I need everyone who posts back to pray for my family...thank you and remember the Lord is our best friend..forever...

Love Donna

Friday, April 4, 2008

Jesus wants you to Crave His Love for you....

My Dear Daughter

I want to tell you how much I love you. (eph 3:17-19) I want to take care of you and provide for you. (Matt 6:25-33)

Nothing you can do can change my love for you (2 Tim 1:9) You see, I love you so much, I died for you. (Rom 5:8)

I will always be with you no matter where you go. (Psalm 139: 7-12) I'm even going ahead of you, so that I can prepare a place just for you. (John 14: 1-3)

I promise I will always love you, (Jer. 31:3) and will bever leave you (Heb. 13:5) One day we will be together for eternity, and I can hardly wait. (John 17:24) Until then, watch for me. (Matt. 24:42) I will be back for you soon. (Rev. 22:20)

With all my heart,
Your Bridegroom,

Ladies, this is Jesus, Gods son, speaking to us, the lover of our soul. I want you to read and re read this until you never forget it. He wants you to want Him in every way. Imagine you are sitting at His feet and just absorb His love notes to you. Crave His attention and just absorb his presence. Praise God for His word and make it a lamp unto your feet!

Love Donna and Jesus

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

The Prayer of Jabez...

First I want to tell you some wonderful news in my life...We were supposed to have our income check sent to us on March 28..we received it March 31st..now you tell me, was God involved in that or what. Ever since I started this blog..and in all honesty it was really for just talking..but it has turned into a ministry that has opened my eyes as well as others. Praise God! Anyway..so we got our check on Monday. First because my faith has increased with every turn of my hand..we didn't know how we were going to come up with $200 for the rent. Well we got the check and now that prayer was answered. Second, I have been in the Lords word every day for my job, for my family, for every woman that has left a prayer request on Rachels Bible Study, we received an extra $200 on top of the income check for nothing except a blessing from the Lord!! How wonderful and cool is God!!

I just want to tell you all that I have been suffering for about 6 months now..nothing to do with anything except me. I feel like I didn't open the word, I didn't have my quiet time, I didn't minister to others, I just was feeling sorry for myself, period. I know I said this on Rachel's line..I spoke to my Mom, the wonder of all christians, about 3 weeks ago, and she said, I was allowing the enemy to get to me. Plain and simple..the enemy was winning and I was allowing it..what was I doing!!!?? I was disgusted with myself. She told me to claim the victory and when I was on my own to speak in tongues quietly, because the enemy does not know our thoughts, I've ministered to you all about that. I did that. I did it every day and rebuked the enemy over and over. I prayer for all of you. I did my bible study. I opened the word. I gave others what I believed was what God wanted me to do. I typed so fast I knew God was involved in each and every key. I am truly in the word now and forever..don't get me wrong, I have always believed in the word, but this time was different. This time God was using me to get to others and give them encouragement each time.

Then my Mom sent me "The Prayer of Jabez", not like I didn't have the book, I did. But this time I adsorbed it, over and over. I have prayed that prayer over and over, 1 chronicles 4:9-10 " There was a man named Jabez who was more distinguished than any of his brothers. His mother names him Jabez, because his birth had been so painful. He was the one who prayed to the God of Israel, "Oh that you would bless me and extend my lands! Please be with me in all that I do, and keep me from all trouble and pain! And God granted him his request!

I really truly hope you all know the Prayer of Jabez. In the version that I took it from was the New Living Translation, and where it says extend my lands, it says in other versions, oh that you would enlarge my territory! Now you tell me..has God enlarged my territory or what!! He has used me to minister to all of you as well as my family. He has been with me with my job and protected me, and He has blessed me exceedingly, more than I would ever have thought could happen in a long time. I am being used..and that is all I ever wanted. I want us to go over the Prayer of Jabez, maybe like a bible study. But if we don't get to do it I want all of you who read this to read 1 Chronicles 4:9-10 over and over each day. Do not leave a day out. We are children of God and He wants to bless His children over and over. He is the God of Israel, He is the God of Abraham and Issac. Yes we will have our issues, Yes we will have our troubles, but God has promised to deliver us from evil and a help in our times of troubles. Read it, absorb it and give me your postings. Without you I can't give back. I know God is blessing me and I can't wait for tomorrow!
Praise God~!