Transformed by trouble...

I have been posting to everyones blog because I need prayer..I remember someone posted to my blog that I am getting Satan's attacks because I am ministering to others and God is working so much in my life..HE IS AND PRAISE GOD FOR THAT!!

Yesterday I started going back to counseling and this time christian counseling. It is a 14 week course which starts from your beginning of life to now. My counselor wanted me to know that the Holy Spirit would be there weekly. That I can't change others and I can't change myself until I know where the patterns I can't control started. This was a first..I always went to counselors that only would deal with me and my past was not really investigated. I went into the room and started talking and started crying. I talked for 15 min about as much as I could..I told him that the enemy is attacking me so much I feel like giving up..I didn't mean suicide, it was more like, "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired". So why did I title this transformed by trouble? Because the Lord gives us issues in our lives so that we will be transformed. I know you know this but I need to write about it a lot because I need to remember that there is a purpose behind every problem.

I was reading my book today for Day 25 in "The purpose driven life" it is about how problems are given to us with the fill knowledge of the Lord..well we all know that, but it can be so hard to read it. Well wouldn't you know that my boss came in today and did his wonderful act of humiliating me in front of everyone and making me feel like my feelings and actions don't matter in life. I won't even get into it because that is what the enemy wants, "go on, talk about it..keep on running that tape in your mind over and over until you can't stop crying and thinking about it.." FORGET IT! I'M OVER IT!! What I don't have is an ability to let things go and give them over as fast as others can..and that is what I need to learn from the Lord and my weekly sessions.God has a purpose behind everything and we should expect 4 kinds of them in our life.:

1. Trials are designed by God to draw us closer to Him and build our character.
2. Temptations are designed by the devil to draw us away from God and destroy our character.
3. Trespasses are hurts caused by the sins of others.
4. Troubles are usually, but not always, the consequences of our own sinful choices.

When we face a problem, try to determine the source first. If the trouble is your own fault, we should repent of it. It it's from the enemy we should resist it. If it's a trespass against others we need to release it through forgiveness. But if the problem is a trail from God, you need to relax and trust God in it. Regardless of the source, none of your problems could happen without God's permission. Everything that happens in the life of a child of God is Father-filtered, and He intends to use it for good. I have to lean on these words when troubles come.

I know that you hear me constantly speak of my job but when your husband is unable to work, it is a hard burden to bear. When my boss promised me a position of management and then said in front of my face, "I never said that", its hard to swallow. It's like, "Lord do you want me to quit? I don't know what to do? You gave me this position and it's been going down for such a long time..you don't like when people quit..what should I do" That is my prayer right now..the Lord has given me so many ways to pray when I'm there, the hours are good and I don't commute a lot..it all sounds so trivial but I believe the Lord gave me this job. I worked so hard for this man to get a better position and he has royally stabbed me in the back! See I'm talking about it!!

I have to remember these scriptures: 2 Corinthians 4:17 "For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all"

Because God is sovereignly in control, accidents are just incidents in God's good plan for us. Romans 8:28 "We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his for purpose for them"
Romans 8:17 The message "We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we're certainly going to go through the good times with HIM!!"

I Love that scripture..I know all of this I really do!! Every time I have a devotion or a reading like this my day usually follows it exactly that way!! I guess I should be happy..God is telling Satan, "Shes my daughter, just don't harm her but she will prevail"!! I have to learn how to deal with these incidences with the right tools and when I do I will be even better in fighting that SOB!! Sorry :)

I Love you all and I will hear from you all later!!
Donna

What Impact am I making on my Children...

Good Afternoon Ladies!!

Okay here's the painting that I cannot get any larger!! I took it with my T-Mobile Phone and it looks like a postage stamp! My husband is going to take it later because I want you all to see the details..it is really beautiful..if I must say so myself..God really brought it out the way I wanted it..I am so grateful for all the talent that He gave me, it's from the Lord, not me and I thank Him daily for it...

Anyway..I have not been writing lately because I have been sick as a dog! I cannot get over this bronchitis. The problem is last year I had pneumonia and I don't want it again!! So please pray for me I need this gone. I am going to be ministering in Panama City to High School kids and I leave June 4 thru the 8th. This is going to be a real test and I plan on having kids see what the Lord is really like through my eyes and their's. My girls are going but I am counseling HS Juniors, it's not so bad..they are good ones and Dr. Stanley's team won't allow any nonsense...

So that is why I wrote the title "What impact am I having...On Mothers Day, Dr. Stanley talked about his mother and the impact she had on him as he was growing up. I realized that I want my children to feel the same way and I truly believe that my mother was so much like her I wanted to write it in my own words for my mom and myself...

2 Tim 1:5 (actually before verse 5) "Every time I say your name in prayer....I thank God for you...I miss you a lot, especially when I remember the last tearful goodbye....that precious memory triggers another: your honest faith-and what a rich faith it is, handed down from your grandmother Lois to your mother Eunice..." The Message Bible. Every time I think of mothers and grandmothers I think of Paul writing to Timothy, even they were influenced by their care takers.

My Mom taught me to pray and read the Bible. She depended on God for everything. She became divorced from a minister in the late '70's. She never worked. When my father left her she had to use a check book and use a budget, never done before. She was placed in this situation exactly the way that I was from my first husband. God allows things like this to happen so we do rely on Him for everything. The point I need to make is: PRAY WITH YOUR CHILDREN!

Every night she knelt with my on her knees because that is where "we" must learn to talk and listen to God. She built a foundation for me to have a desire to ask Jesus into my heart at such an early age. Our children need to not only see us pray but they need to see us on our knees, we need to show reverence for our Heavenly Father, that is what He deserves.

My mother as well as myself trust Him for every need and desire. As much as it drove me nuts I never heard her say, "Poor me" She would say, " We're going to trust God". What would happen if we told our kids to trust the Lord instead of giving them a credit card or when they hear their parents say, "Lets get a loan at the bank.." Whatever excuse for not trusting is no excuse. I find myself saying, it's good to be in need so we can look back or presently saying, "We have a need...look to the Lord"!

She taught me to obey God as well as her. No reason.."because He is God" The degree that I disobeyed her was the way I was disciplined. She didn't hit me with her hand, that was for love. She used a switch, or a wooden spoon ;-) Or she would use a "Motherly Lecture".."I want you to grow up and be a good girl and a wonderful mother..." I think about it now and cry....She made decisions soley on what the will of God was. WHY DON'T WE DISCIPLINE OUR CHILDREN ANYMORE!! I know that most christian mothers do but what is happening to our society that we will go to jail if we discipline our children..it is so wrong!! I also believe that too many parents are afraid and afraid of their child's rejection. Kids today have no sense of reverence for man or God. We as mothers and fathers are responsible for building this early in their lives!!

My mom, as well as myself, learned how to forgive others. She watched a horrible man abuse me and I watched my father emotional hurt her. I didn't know how she would react to my ex and his abuse, but she forgave him for what he did to me, as well as her. I in turn learned how to forgive also. She taught me to forgive. She was obedient to God no matter what..and that is what I want out of my life also. All through her life she had a power of persistence. She never gave up..she would get angry at me for quitting things in life so easily. She was like a "slow moving tank". She grew up in England in WWII so it taught her this early in life..when you are face with war you can't just say, "I quit living" She is now teaching me to stay..stay in jobs..if you get fired fine..but God doesn't want us to quit...He will work it all out..don't move onto other things, anything, until He tells you to. Don't operate on feelings!

Most of all my mom had a servants spirit! Lord knows I am working on that attribute! As a ministers wife she always wanted to help others and serve them too. She was raised one of 9 children, she knew what to do. As a youngster she was laying the groundwork for her future. She volunteered at a nursing home once a week to pray for the elderly...she was and is a prayer warrior if there ever was one!!! One Christmas she got food poisoning and still made dinner for everyone. She lived an orderly life. Me and my sisters would always know that before a holiday we would walk downstairs and the table would be set with every piece of silverware and the food was in the oven, at 10am!! Her home was spotless, she set her clothes out the night before, and always made our lunches the night before too. Remember in the 60's and 70's, the hankerchief? As a minister wife, she had a clean one to spit on it and wipe my face...did I hate that!! She always had an apron and never looked sloppy. "Whatever you're doing, look your best because you represent Jesus" My girls hear that weekly!!

She always taught me to be an encourager. Correct things by pointing to what is right. She always told me to just do my best..since I was an artist I didn't apply myself, but I did my best. That is what I tell my girls too. Both my parents encouraged me to do everything..and I did. Parents you need to encourage your kids. Rejection can begin with the parent.."Why didn't you do better" "Why didn't you hit the ball farther"..Our kids are raised by us, not their teachers..
She demonstrated how to love unconditionally. This has been helping me lately realizing how God loves us unconditionally too, if we don't know that how do we love at all? How do we show our children how to love? The Bible hasn't changed neither have the principles. When we practice them it's better for our kids and our next generation of kids.

We have what money can't buy and death cannot take away. Build into your children character and base them on principles from the word. If you and I do that we will have our next generation the best ever.

I Love You All
Donna

p.s. I just want to thank all of you for posting. Because I have been so sick I wasn't able to get online. LaTonya you are a beautiful person. Alice I praise God that He has healed you..thank you Jesus...for each and every one of you, my regulars and the ones who post once and a while..you are a blessing to me. My mind is a complete blank but my last post said.."donna you are ministering because that is why your life is turning upside down..."I couldn't agree more..I sincerely mean this..without all of your prayers I wouldn't be able to write what I write nor pray the way I do for each of you..I love you!

I want to be like Jesus!!

Ladies-
I finished my painting and it looks wonderful!! I will put it on my blog tonight...promise..as soon as I can figure out which plug goes here and there ;)

I wanted to say something first before I write what we all want..I hope you all had a wonderful Mothers Day also. Alice E. thank you so much for writing down your prayer request because I never told you that God is going to heal you! I believe it..I believe that a lot of us go around and say "the Lord knows my heart.." Yes God knows our hearts, He must have a lot of prayers that He is hearing right now..but when we ask others to pray for us then that is what he wants to hear the most. He wants us to be a community of believers, He wants us to get along and lift one another's prayers up..if we aren't an example then who is!? I am praying for you Alice.... and LaTonya like I said in my post you are special because you opened up to everyone about your past and the Lord is going to do a miracle for you just like He is for me..Praise God!!

Now to what I think is from Him...I believe our spiritual depth is determined by the depth of our genuine humility of our hearts before the Lord. Humility is one thing I am not the best for..it is also probably the lest thing we actually seek after with intensity like we do our prayer life. It says in Zep 2:3 "seek the Lord, all you meek of the earth...seek humility" Jesus had humility and I want to be like Jesus!

Until we want to become nothing..meaning living totally depending on Him..He cannot become everything to us and through us! 1 Cor 13:3..God makes it clear that we're totally ineffective if we're not being loving at all time. Boy that is the truth! I read "The purpose for living" and I am getting that statement everywhere I look! I know God is telling me something! Humility is the basis of love and that should be one of our greatest needs.

If we have relationship problems..heres my angle..humility can solve them, provided both parties choose to obey God's word. Eph 4:2 "WIth all lowliness and gentleness...bearing with one another in love" Col 3:13 "As Christ forgave you, so you also must do"

One of the biggest form of pride I believe is the way we make excuses in everyday situations, instead of having the humility of 100% honesty..it causes us to say, "I'm sorry; I was wrong..please forgive me" Excuses are a combination of truth and a cover-up. Psalm 34:11-14, God calls it deceit. Pride is the ugliest sin and humility is the most attractive grace. Pride is the most deeply entrenched sin because we are the most blind to it, it's all based on deception.

If you had an impression you thought was from God when seeking God's guidance, and you later found it wasn't, it is important to humble yourself before God to avoid a platform for deception from the enemy...Pride can also keep us an intimate relationship with God. Psalm 138:6 says it best, "Though the Lord is on high, yet He regards the lowly; but the proud He know from afar"

I think we should all ask the Lord to forgive us of our pride, we all have it, and ask Him to reveal it to us, and then Praise Him for making us more like Him daily. Remember we die to sin daily. We don't always see this..we need to yearn for personal revival in ourselves..I am guilty of this and I pray that someone who reads this will also see themselves in it.

I love you all and I pray for you daily..Pray for me as well as my husband too..the battle is the Lords and we need to put on the whole armor to fight it!!

Love Donna

The remaining retreat of '05

Well ladies I promised I would finish this retreat with all of you and I will..I hope you like the picture I have of my beautiful daughter, 20 years old, and I just had to put in a picture of lilies..I love the scripture in the Bible where it says in Song of Solomon 2:1 "I am the rose of Sharon, And the lily of the valleys.." Isn't that beautiful?! I just had to write that and put that picture in, God is so wonderful..isn't He!!

Okay..lets finish the retreat in April of '05. I left off talking about our speaker Muriel and her sermon about Rebekkah, and are we willing to do things with no agenda..So after the sermon it was Saturday night and a lot of us starting to pray together. She prayed that I would continue hearing from "Him". Let me bring all of this home and be an example at home and at work. She prayed that all the hurt from the past and my children's hurt would never suffer anymore. Then out of the blue, she said, "Are you afraid that your husband will not understand? He hurts you emotionally doesn't he"? "Yes", I said. I cried and we prayed that my husband would also listen and grow into the position of the spiritual leader and that I would be able to be that example to him. Amen!

Next step was bedtime and a deep and wonderful sleep....

Sunday..our last day, and last session..what a glorious time we had! Worship was outstanding as usual. I didn't have any more anger in me for the leaders I was so in love with the Lord. Our leader asked if anyone wanted to say something. My stomach had so many butterflies that they were ready to fly away. I tripped up to the microphone and started out joking, "I knew the Lord wanted me to speak so I had to go now or I would be sick! I want to speak without crying because I usually forget what I need to say and then sit down saying to myself, oooh I forgot that one thing! The Lord has touched me so incredibly this weekend" I continued on "When Muriel started to say she grew up at Salem I nearly fell off my chair..whoa, Malcolm Smith..thats my Dad! My dad made mistakes (I started to cry) I made mistakes marrying my ex husband, but I was delivered this weekend from all the generational curses that have been attacking me and my family. Thats why this was MY WEEKEND!! (still crying) I had a prophetic word over me 10 years ago..my heart is like an onion (I told them this because they didn't know), an onion with layers and each layer is being peeled slowly as the Lord is trying to reach the core..my heart. In this word there was a high dense forest and I was a little girl crying in the woods, crying out to my earthly father and my heavenly Father and I found Him this weekend! I refuse to allow the enemy to touch my family anymore. We have had a great weekend but it can only be real if we continue his blessings and bring it all home to our work and family" I finished and went back to my seat, crying...

Muriel went on to preach about how we need to have a real desire to understand the Lords heart. Every bit, like an archeologist does with his profession, He wants to know every area. Towards the end I had such a gnawing in my heart to pray for a woman by the name of Janeen. (Janeen and her husband had been praying for years to have a child, after a while she had become bitter and it was hard to get to know her) I said to the Lord, "Janeen?..Me?! She barely speaks to me Lord?" So I ignored Gods calling because He doesn't ask me to pray for anyone! Well the Father kept nagging at my heart to pray for her and I finally was obedient. How many times do we ignore the Lord and how many times have we missed out on blessings because of it? Of course though I was bargining with God, I TOLD Him, "If Janeen walks away that means I don't have to..right?" ..."NO" He said, "Pray for Janeen, you know what she wants and needs"! WOW!! When God talks we need to answer!! Am I right!!

So I said "Janeen, the Lord has told me to pray for you, I don't know why but I can't ignore it" I told her, "Everytime a baby is born, a child dedicated, someone pregnant, I think of you. He wants you to have all your blessings and we do when we are obedient to Him. I want to also be obedient, is it okay for me to pray with you?" She said, "Okay" So I started to pray...

"Lord, I lift up Janeen to you, you know what her hearts desire is, you know you placed her on my heart for a reason and I want to obey that right now. You want all your children to have their desires of their hearts and Father right now in your name I ask you to give Janeen hers. She so desires a child, bless her now Lord and fill her with your Spirit...Amen"....It was short and simple but there was something very different about her and me. She stood there a while and softly cried. I was ready to move on when she said "I want to be prayed for but I don't feel worthy anymore...I mean look at you, 5 kids, no job, the other girl no place to live, I mean my prayers are nothing compared to everyone elses?!" I said "Janeen the Lord would not have used me to pray unless there was a reason. I personally haven't been healed from the pain in my back, but that doesn't mean I'm not worthy to stop praying for other things in my life?!"

Just before when Muriel was preaching she showed us a small glass bottle that she got in Israel. It is called a "tear bottle" and women collected tears in them so that they could present them to God. They believed the more you had, the more they believed God would answer their prayers. Muriel met a woman who prayed, cried, and collected tears so she could get pregnant. Muriel saw her at the wailing wall. Anyway she told us that the next day she saw the woman again and prayed "That the God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob would allow this woman to bear children"! Nine months and 7 days, give or take, later, that same woman gave birth to a set of twin boys! Praise the Lord was all I was thinking and saying!!!

Janeen wanted so much to be prayed for. She also showed her a bottle that was similar to that woman's bottle. It wasn't easy for Janeen to get prayed for. She felt she couldn't ask her to pray with her, let alone ask the Lord for a baby. I kept egging her on to go and pray. This time the Lord was telling me "she"must be obedient since I was. I left her with that and she broke down in another friends arms. I felt that the Father had used me for Janeen and I was on top of the WORLD!! Janeen stood in line to talk to Muriel, infact Muriel didn't know I prayed with her either. I looked at them and she was holding a tear bottle. Janeen was also collecting tears, but she never put them in a bottle. Muriel said, "The Lord told me to give this to you" so she gave it to Janeen, she prayed for Him to open her womb! Praise God was all I was saying!! The Lord led me to pray for Janeen so God would show His mercy and grace on her..I was used by Him..what could be better than that?...Nothing...

To sum it up..even after 3 years I have to bring myself back to that weekend and focus on His grace and remember how much was shown to me. So much was shown and I can never forget it..I hope this reaches somebody in 2008 and touches their heart..
Donna