The remaining retreat of '05

Well ladies I promised I would finish this retreat with all of you and I will..I hope you like the picture I have of my beautiful daughter, 20 years old, and I just had to put in a picture of lilies..I love the scripture in the Bible where it says in Song of Solomon 2:1 "I am the rose of Sharon, And the lily of the valleys.." Isn't that beautiful?! I just had to write that and put that picture in, God is so wonderful..isn't He!!

Okay..lets finish the retreat in April of '05. I left off talking about our speaker Muriel and her sermon about Rebekkah, and are we willing to do things with no agenda..So after the sermon it was Saturday night and a lot of us starting to pray together. She prayed that I would continue hearing from "Him". Let me bring all of this home and be an example at home and at work. She prayed that all the hurt from the past and my children's hurt would never suffer anymore. Then out of the blue, she said, "Are you afraid that your husband will not understand? He hurts you emotionally doesn't he"? "Yes", I said. I cried and we prayed that my husband would also listen and grow into the position of the spiritual leader and that I would be able to be that example to him. Amen!

Next step was bedtime and a deep and wonderful sleep....

Sunday..our last day, and last session..what a glorious time we had! Worship was outstanding as usual. I didn't have any more anger in me for the leaders I was so in love with the Lord. Our leader asked if anyone wanted to say something. My stomach had so many butterflies that they were ready to fly away. I tripped up to the microphone and started out joking, "I knew the Lord wanted me to speak so I had to go now or I would be sick! I want to speak without crying because I usually forget what I need to say and then sit down saying to myself, oooh I forgot that one thing! The Lord has touched me so incredibly this weekend" I continued on "When Muriel started to say she grew up at Salem I nearly fell off my chair..whoa, Malcolm Smith..thats my Dad! My dad made mistakes (I started to cry) I made mistakes marrying my ex husband, but I was delivered this weekend from all the generational curses that have been attacking me and my family. Thats why this was MY WEEKEND!! (still crying) I had a prophetic word over me 10 years ago..my heart is like an onion (I told them this because they didn't know), an onion with layers and each layer is being peeled slowly as the Lord is trying to reach the core..my heart. In this word there was a high dense forest and I was a little girl crying in the woods, crying out to my earthly father and my heavenly Father and I found Him this weekend! I refuse to allow the enemy to touch my family anymore. We have had a great weekend but it can only be real if we continue his blessings and bring it all home to our work and family" I finished and went back to my seat, crying...

Muriel went on to preach about how we need to have a real desire to understand the Lords heart. Every bit, like an archeologist does with his profession, He wants to know every area. Towards the end I had such a gnawing in my heart to pray for a woman by the name of Janeen. (Janeen and her husband had been praying for years to have a child, after a while she had become bitter and it was hard to get to know her) I said to the Lord, "Janeen?..Me?! She barely speaks to me Lord?" So I ignored Gods calling because He doesn't ask me to pray for anyone! Well the Father kept nagging at my heart to pray for her and I finally was obedient. How many times do we ignore the Lord and how many times have we missed out on blessings because of it? Of course though I was bargining with God, I TOLD Him, "If Janeen walks away that means I don't have to..right?" ..."NO" He said, "Pray for Janeen, you know what she wants and needs"! WOW!! When God talks we need to answer!! Am I right!!

So I said "Janeen, the Lord has told me to pray for you, I don't know why but I can't ignore it" I told her, "Everytime a baby is born, a child dedicated, someone pregnant, I think of you. He wants you to have all your blessings and we do when we are obedient to Him. I want to also be obedient, is it okay for me to pray with you?" She said, "Okay" So I started to pray...

"Lord, I lift up Janeen to you, you know what her hearts desire is, you know you placed her on my heart for a reason and I want to obey that right now. You want all your children to have their desires of their hearts and Father right now in your name I ask you to give Janeen hers. She so desires a child, bless her now Lord and fill her with your Spirit...Amen"....It was short and simple but there was something very different about her and me. She stood there a while and softly cried. I was ready to move on when she said "I want to be prayed for but I don't feel worthy anymore...I mean look at you, 5 kids, no job, the other girl no place to live, I mean my prayers are nothing compared to everyone elses?!" I said "Janeen the Lord would not have used me to pray unless there was a reason. I personally haven't been healed from the pain in my back, but that doesn't mean I'm not worthy to stop praying for other things in my life?!"

Just before when Muriel was preaching she showed us a small glass bottle that she got in Israel. It is called a "tear bottle" and women collected tears in them so that they could present them to God. They believed the more you had, the more they believed God would answer their prayers. Muriel met a woman who prayed, cried, and collected tears so she could get pregnant. Muriel saw her at the wailing wall. Anyway she told us that the next day she saw the woman again and prayed "That the God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob would allow this woman to bear children"! Nine months and 7 days, give or take, later, that same woman gave birth to a set of twin boys! Praise the Lord was all I was thinking and saying!!!

Janeen wanted so much to be prayed for. She also showed her a bottle that was similar to that woman's bottle. It wasn't easy for Janeen to get prayed for. She felt she couldn't ask her to pray with her, let alone ask the Lord for a baby. I kept egging her on to go and pray. This time the Lord was telling me "she"must be obedient since I was. I left her with that and she broke down in another friends arms. I felt that the Father had used me for Janeen and I was on top of the WORLD!! Janeen stood in line to talk to Muriel, infact Muriel didn't know I prayed with her either. I looked at them and she was holding a tear bottle. Janeen was also collecting tears, but she never put them in a bottle. Muriel said, "The Lord told me to give this to you" so she gave it to Janeen, she prayed for Him to open her womb! Praise God was all I was saying!! The Lord led me to pray for Janeen so God would show His mercy and grace on her..I was used by Him..what could be better than that?...Nothing...

To sum it up..even after 3 years I have to bring myself back to that weekend and focus on His grace and remember how much was shown to me. So much was shown and I can never forget it..I hope this reaches somebody in 2008 and touches their heart..
Donna